I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
