Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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