everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
