Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
sex in a hospital.. check
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
