I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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