why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am naked and annoyed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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