YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
