i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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