thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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