haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
