There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
