dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
