Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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