Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
