break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
