I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
