Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
