he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
