he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
