I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
