I can text with my tongue
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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