We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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