there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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