belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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