apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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