can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He keeps bees of course he's weird
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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