So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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