I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
