So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
