He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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