I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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