Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
