my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Is Oprah even human
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
