omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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