This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
