literally had 100 drinks last night.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
