i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
