i think i scared a bird with my dick
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
