atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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