he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
