great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
