Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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