Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Come see our sink grown plant.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
