i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
