i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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