Pappa wants mamma naked
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
