i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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