super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
