think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
