why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
please don't ironically join a cult
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