I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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