so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
