I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think a kid would responsible me up
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
